Okay, so my sweetheart and I were getting it on the other day and I tend to be pretty noisy in bed, but this time I was SUPER loud. Not just “Oh yeah baby,” but actually screaming. It was awesome. Good times.

I guess I closed my eyes for a while, because suddenly I wasn’t the only one screaming. There were two sets of screams, and I knew the others didn’t belong to Sweet, because she’s not much of a screamer.

It was the cat. You know I have cats, right? So, it was Mr. Majestic cat, the regal cat, the cat who owns this apartment and everyone in it. He was SCREAMING at us. I’ve never heard him make a noise like this before. It wasn’t exactly a scream, I guess, and it wasn’t a growl or a hiss. It was actually more of a moaning meow-bark. It was kind of a cat-fight noise, come to think of it. He kept running down the bed and yelling at Sweet, then running up the bed and screaming at me.

Now, I don’t claim to speak cat, but my rough interpretation was something along the lines of:

To Sweet: “What are you doing to my mom?!?!?!”
To Me: “Why are you screaming like that?!?!?!”
To Sweet: “You’re hurting her! Unless… oh, don’t tell me she loves you! Impossible!”
To Me: “I thought you loved ME! How dare you toy with my tender feline emotions?”

Something like that. Cats are pretty egocentric, so I think that’s what he was saying.

Of course, I started laughing because… well, it was just hilarious. But regal kitty cats don’t appreciate being laughed at, so he started head-butting my girlfriend at that point, just hurling himself at her, making that weird moaning cat scream the whole time, like “Get off her! She’s mine. She’s MINE!!!”

Nobody, cat or human, has ever expressed that kind of jealousy or possessiveness of me. Nobody’s ever tried to beat up my girlfriend, and certainly not while we were in bed together. If it had been a human doing all this, it would have been frightening I suppose, but because it was a cat, it was funny.

I totally lost it. I couldn’t stay in the moment while my cat was cursing and crying and throwing himself at my girlfriend. I collapsed on the bed, laughing hysterically, so I guess ultimately the cat got what he wanted… because I stopped screaming.

I’m trying to think up a moral to this story, otherwise it’s just me telling you about my bizarre sex life. I guess the moral is that cats always get their way. Wouldn’t you agree?

Hugs,
Giselle
–
Giselle Renarde
Canada just got hotter!

Visit me online

http://donutsdesires.blogspot.com

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Giselle Renarde is author of numerous lyd books, including (aptly):

Waxing is for Pussies: Claire is strong, proud, and covered in tattoos, but can she handle the pain of a bikini wax?

Blurb:

Claire is a butch dyke who doesn’t go in for all the “girly” stuff. Her girlfriend Billie works at a salon, joyfully painting nails all day.  When Billie takes up hot waxing, she asks Claire to be her test subject. She also asks her salon buddy Soo Jin to give her hand. How will Claire and Billie react when Soo Jin takes the request for help as an invitation to play?

Read an excerpt here: http://www.loveyoudivine.com/index.php?main_page=document_product_info&cPath=37&products_id=834

For the last however many years it’s been, I’ve produced a lot of troubled, gothic tales. That had a lot to do with not being a very happy sort of person. Life is way better now, which makes me inclined to write upbeat, playful sex. I did used to write lighter stuff, occasionally, but it’s been good rediscovering it.

On with the inside story and those real het-fet diaries. Some years ago, I used to write for Custom Erotic Source, producing unique stories to customer specifications, usually in very short time frames. The job was full of challenges, and I used to really enjoy doing it. However, custom fic is expensive and it’s not something people buy if they’re belt tightening. I miss doing it though. There were a whole team of us over at CES, and we used to get other jobs come in aside from the usual requests.

One job had a bunch of us writing stories to accompany a series of images – we got to pick which set we wanted. Doing that fed into the ideas for Elliot’s Hero (available from loveyoudivine) – although nothing I saw seemed that extreme. Another one had a team of us doing a blog just like the one Siren Kay gets involved with. It was supposed to be like Sex in the City, (which I’ve never seen, but apparently didn’t need to) four women talking about their sex lives. In the fic we were friends, but in reality none of us knew each other and one of us was a bloke! (Not me). I did it for a while, and I struggled. The remit called for content that was a hairsbreadth from porn. That means not too much story, character, emotion or introspection. Anyone who has read my fiction will be able to guess how much of a struggle that would be! I like story, character, emotion and introspection. There’s only so much sex I can write before I get bored with it. I don’t find sex on its own all that sexy. I need to care about the characters just a little bit, and it helps if they do more than shag.

The Het Fet Diaries have four fictional friends doing a blog about their sex lives, and getting paid for it. I think there used to be more places online that would pay for this kind of content (I wrote for Ruthie’s Club, as well, years ago). But it’s a nice premise at any rate, and I like to fantasise about getting paid to blog! We’re only following the one blogger in detail, and mostly it’s about what she gets up to and the crazy people she meets along the way. This is also me on a personal mission to prove that heterosexual, pain free sex is not necessarily dull.

Anything can be a fetish. Anything can become part of kinky sex. What creates the fetish angle often has a lot to do with the insides of people’s heads. That gives me room for a dash of introspection. I’m going to try and avoid the more clichéd fetishes, or at least find strange angles to come at them from. If there’s anything you’d like Siren Kay to explore, don’t hesitate to get in touch. I’m ALWAYS open to suggestions.

Travel is both faster and a lot more affordable, and the internet makes it easy to stay in touch. So at least in theory, long distance relationships ought to be easier. Certainly more people seem to be going in for them. I know a fair few people who have had international affairs, sometimes meeting in person, sometimes never moving out of the virtual realms. These days, meeting people online is a daily event. Can you fall in love in cyberspace? Can you have a meaningful relationship with someone you’ve never met in person?

Sometimes, yes.

I say this with the absolute confidence of someone who has done it. I met my other half, appropriately enough, through a publishing company a lot of years ago, and we were emotionally involved before we met in person. It was strange though. It took me a few hours to mentally reconcile the virtual person with the actual one, to map my perceptions and emotions onto someone who was finally in the same room as me. I had also spent a lot of years not being entirely sure if this virtual thing could be really… well… real, but it was, and is. We’ve been married nearly a year now.

But I’ve watched friends form relationships and not be able to sustain them. The distance and the not being able to touch can be lethal, even if you do feel strongly about someone. People online often lie as well, talking themselves up to attract a mate, or saying whatever it takes to get the ego boost and sex play they require for private kicks. It’s easier to lie through a screen than it is in person.

Long distance love affairs are challenging in every way. They hurt. If you do get time together in the same place, they hurt even more. I used to wake on my own in the mornings and roll into the empty bit of bed where Tom wasn’t, and cry, on pretty much a daily basis. You’ve got to be very serious about someone to keep putting yourself through that, and you’ve got to feel that they’re worth it. That kind of emotional pressure puts extra demands on a relationship. It’s got to be more than the average hook up. It’s got to be epic to survive, but it also means the smallest of setbacks can look huge and insurmountable. The slightest misjudged remark can seem like the end of the world.

I could have piled a lot more angst and misery on my guys in The Price of Love. If I’d tried to realistically show what a long term, long distance love affair does to your heart, and your head, I’m not sure anyone would have believed me. It took a year from first getting together in person to being able to live together. Plenty of regular relationships don’t last that long. But I didn’t want to tell a story in which two sexy men spent most of their time being anxious, struggling with paperwork and trying to keep hopeful. I let them off lightly, all things considered.

So how far is it ok to go? How much of a fictional life is it ok to invent to go with your fictional work? If you’re yet another stay at home mum whose real life revolves around childcare and housework, how on earth are you going to talk yourself up to sell books? We all know it’s easier to sell books if readers find you interesting as a person, so what do you do, if you aren’t? At what point, if any, does is stop being fiction and become lies?

Part of the reason for bringing this up, is having heard that a couple of apparently gay authors have turned out to be women. They were using the J.K Rowling technique – ambiguous names, but they both blogged about their supposedly real lives as gay men. I’m curious to know how readers feel about this. Most of the time we can’t know much about the real lives of authors. The famous ones get stalked by the press, but most don’t. Most of the time, all you have to go on is what the author tells you. And authors…. Make stuff up. It’s such a ‘given’ that I’ve found that in legal situations my ability to tell the truth has been called into question in the past, simply on the grounds of my being an author. Not that the judge seemed to take that seriously, but even so, it was pretty scary.

Bryn is a Welsh name, and traditionally male. There are plenty of female Bryns, Brynnes and other variations out there, it’s not just me. And I’ve always been open about being a girl, and that I’m writing all kinds of things because it interests me to do so. I’m moderately open about my real life. Enough that I don’t feel I’ve misled anyone deliberately, but at the same time I hold my privacy where I need to and I don’t compromise anyone else. Even the one or two who really deserve to be publically named and shamed.

I think that what we claim about our real lives does affect how people perceive us. Are we authentic? Are we offering an insight that someone who’s not done it for real wouldn’t have? Are you then going to take what we say as valid how-to information and act on it? People do take real life inspiration from fiction, which makes me feel an obligation to try and get things right. There is also the issue of who we have the right to speak for. That can be about gender preference, but also race, religion, life experience. To claim authority on anything that isn’t ours, is just unethical. You can write about anything, but there’s a difference between that, and claiming ownership of it.

I know most of the lyd authors. Some of them I’ve met in person, or I’ve talked to via skype. Others have met each other too. We’re all real, and confident in each other’s realness. I know Cain is a big, black, gay guy, not a woman who’s playing at it, because I’ve heard his voice. The authority that comes from being real, matters to me. So, do you want your authors to be real people, or is it ok for an author to be a work of fiction too?

loveyoudivine Alterotica continues to seek out the best erotica authors for you, and you – our loyal readers – continue to support us. To say a big “Thank You”, please download our free ebook! 68 pdf pages – also available as lrf, lit, zipped html, rb and epub. Just click through here to the main loveyoudivine site and it’s yours!

The best of our authors bring you the best scintillating flash fiction. Enjoy! And share the download link with your friends.

Have a safe and peaceful  holidays.

xxx love from everyone at loveyoudivine

So every time you read a book, you are also re-writing it in your head, and where you go probably isn’t what the author expected, but that’s part of the fun.

When an author has a lot of real life experience, has lived through huge cultural upheavals, seen life in the raw, the scope for telling stories that become other people’s stories too, is much improved.

From the reader reviews on amazon, it’s easy to see how Dirk Vanden’s All Together series is doing just that. For people who were there, the stories intertwine with their own. For other men, it becomes part of the history, and the mythology of being gay.

“These books are also interesting from a sociological standpoint, giving a glimpse at the burgeoning gay culture of late 60s Los Angeles and San Francisco and the ways that it cross-pollinated with the hippie counter-culture of the time. As someone who came along 15 years later when AIDS was already a reality and psychedelic drugs had been replaced by cocaine, it made me a bit wistful to see the vision of what was meant to have been.”

“I only wish I had read his books before I moved to San Francisco. My sex life would have been a hell of a lot better, though I would probably be dead by now.”

“I celebrated authors who kept my attention by showing me men who revel in the full range of their sexuality and their emotions. I confess, having come out in the Seventies, that I have a penchant for stories that revel in freedom and Dirk Vanden’s characters deal with it daily.”

“All Together is a brilliant description of gay men in the United States of the 1940s and 50s. I recommend this book to anyone interested in our past and what it means to our future. Vanden was smart to write all of it down and make it a fascinating read. You won’t put it down.”

The stories we tell, and read, help us hold a sense of self – whoever we are and wherever we fit.   There’s something tremendously exciting about seeing a reader respond by explaining how the story affects them and fits in with their own life experience. At loveyoudivine we love getting that kind of feedback, so please do keep it coming.

Sex is fun. Erotica is all about kicks. It’s also fundamental to who many of us are. Sex is life.

“Some of the greatest literature of the nineteenth century used an omniscient narrator.  This technique places the author–and the reader–outside the events of the story, looking in.  There is nothing intrinsically wrong with this approach. However, modern commercial fiction has almost completely abandoned the omniscient narrator.  Today, about thirty percent of all commercial fiction uses a first person narrator, while the overwhelming majority of the remainder uses third person limited.  The purpose of this short essay is to discuss the latter approach and its consequences for opening a scene in a short story or novel….read more here.”

Porn films are full of frowning, gasping, begging but not a whole lot of giggling. Even the soft, fuzzy romantic scenes in mainstream movies tend to be full of meaningful glances and nods, whisperings and love-talk – not guffaws and amusing bodily noises.

The reality is different. If you’re not laughing while you’re getting jiggy, you’re simply not relaxed enough. Life has moments of humor and so does sex. There are those spontaneous moments when someone puts a donut on their penis. Unintentionally amusing fanny farts. Loss of balance during tantric human pyramids that leads to catastrophic collapse, limbs flailing.

You don’t see a whole lot of humor in written erotica. When I read Alex Morgan’s Leash of Faith it was the first truly funny erotic ebook I’d read, and I howled with laughter. It’s a rare treat to find something sexy and funny. There’s an element of farce which harks back to the old sex comedies with people leaping, semi-naked, in and out of cupboards. It’s a gay sex story with a bondage fetish; bdsm always sounds so drearily serious but it doesn’t have to be.

I tried to bring humor into my lesbian/genderqueer ebook, Behind The Door. Kelly and Alex seem like a het couple but Alex – though  he considers himself male – is biologically female. So the physical sex is f/f (even if the characters themselves are resolutely not!). Again, this is not an in-depth exploration of gender roles – the story is a light, slightly farcical romp involving the couple trapped together in a bathroom…

There’s an argument that if you’re laughing you’re not getting turned on. That a writer should invoke one emotion at a time. I do disagree. Laughing relaxes you. Once you’re relaxed….anything’s possible!

Sweet: It was so strange … like all of a sudden you were speaking in tongues.

Me: Oh really? That’s cute. You probably noticed before I did.

Sweet: I mean one second English and then French and I go … “What’s that? What is she saying? Is something wrong? Oh my god it’s French…”

Me: I think it was an entirely unselfconscious orgasm, because when I’m alone I usually come in french.

Sweet: I was just hoping that I wasn’t hurting you and you were wanting me to stop in French and I was missing it.

Me: Ohh yes…hmmm that could be a concern. I did actually think that, once I realized I wasn’t speaking English anymore. I was telling myself, “If you want her to stop, make sure she understands.”

Sweet: Oh I think I would understand STOP in French and if it was really bad you would say that … I just didnt want you to be saying “easy easy … gentle.”

Me: Ahhhh, no I think I was mainly saying YES and OH GOD and LIKE THAT LIKE THAT LIKE THAT and IT’S SO GOOD!

Sweet: The OH GOD and YES I got.

Me: Hehehe.