Written by From the BDSM fiction out there, you could be forgiven for thinking that most people in D/s relationships do it full time. There is no shortage of stories about total ownership, and folks who live as slaves in the Master or Mistress’s house. It’s offered, frequently, as the BDSM ideal. But is it a realistic portrayal?
One of the things you’ll notice in stories about Masters and Mistresses who keep a coterie of slaves is that they are obscenely rich. They have to be. They need the money to pay for the extra large houses, the private gardens for pony bois and gurls to gambol about in, to kit out the dungeon and feed the slaves. They also need the free time to devote to slave training and all the vast quantities of spankings and sex that feature in those stories.
Then there’s the slaves, who in such stories long to be totally owned, to give up all self and choice and to live at the bidding of the Master or Mistress. They sacrifice the day job, their families and their former social circles to be slaves.
Do these actually sound like real people?
Most people could never afford such a Master/Mistress lifestyle. Are Doms only wealthy people? No. Most people would not choose to give up every other aspect of their life for the sake of full time slavery either. Subs are real people too.
Then there’s the issue of the effort involved. The superficial image of the Dom has them yelling commands while eager slaves fulfil their every desire. That isn’t the reality of BDSM either. A Dom takes care of the sub, and that may involve some wild and deviant play, but it also calls for a lot of attention. If someone puts their life and wellbeing entirely in your hands, that’s a huge amount of responsibility. Not many people want to be that responsible 24/7. Bondage, and the extreme activities BDSM can include requires concentration if you aren’t planning to accidentally put someone in hospital.
Many folk with a BDSM lifestyle do not do it full time. They still have jobs, families, friends and lives that aren’t necessarily part of their sexual identity. They hook up with likeminded people to enact scenes and satisfy needs, but they don’t want to do it all the time. If you look at the BDSM scenarios in the fiction of Cain Berlinger (who is writing from experience) you’ll notice there’s very little full time power exchange, and lots of hooking up for scenes. Alex Morgan does have full time slave scenarios, but he makes it clear that isn’t the norm, as people who can’t take it drop out, and background characters frequently prefer to play part time.
As with so many things in life, there’s no one right way of doing this. People express their identities and inclinations in whatever way makes sense to them. Just because being dominated and humiliated in a certain context turns you on doesn’t mean you ought to give up the day job and make it the whole of your life.
Here’s to diversity!
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Yes!!! I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. You hit the nail square on the head. Eloquent, sensible, and straight to the point. Excellent.
Celine
I counseled a friend of mine for a long time who wanted more ‘playtime’ with his Master, but didn’t think he could do it full-time. I told him that being slave or sub 24/7/365 was a fantasy. If he and his Master fulfilled those roles constantly, it would get BORING very fast and it would lose the fun.
He’s very comfortable with that and so he does enjoy the times he and his Master ‘play’. He still has protocols that he follows on a daily basis but nothing as hard core as in most BDSM stories.
I could never be in a full-time BDSM situation either. When would I have time to write? :{D-
Alex, I guess you’d need the kind of Master who would chain you to the writing table of a morning and flog you if you didn’t produce a decent word count… actually, that starts to sound like the makings of a plan….